So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
