I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize