Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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