is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
