Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
