Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize