Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
