mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Randomize
