I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
