You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
