I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
