Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
