Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
