Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize