a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize