i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
