True but thats because hes a fetus.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
