Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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