the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
