forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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