Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize