Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
