my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
