But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
