i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
BRING THE BAGELS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
