I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
