So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
