Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
