I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
