Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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