so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
