I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
