I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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