Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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