apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize