i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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