I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
