sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
