Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize