I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
