I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
