Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
