I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
