I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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