Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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