we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
