Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
