sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
