I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
