If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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