While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My penis needs a shock collar
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
