3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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