He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
