please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
