do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
