so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
