Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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