He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize