I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize