you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
