Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
