i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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