sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
