Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Drake has all the answers
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
