why didn't you poke me back
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize